mourning

He’s Gone

When I glanced over the wordlist for the latest “wordle” from A Prompt Each Day last night I had a very different idea of what I was going to write using them than what came out this morning when I sat down to actually put the words together. 

As I looked over the list afresh today, my mind went to a different time, place, and subject: my father and his death. This tanka, then, just sort of write itself, remembering that chapter of my life. 

Hidden forever
A day of deeply mourning
Forever I’m changed
Flurry of emotions hits
Childhood ends – final embrace 

(The word list is: Flurry, Hidden, Childhood, Day, Deep, Hid, Baby, Embrace, Once and Forever.)

Baby Steps

When I first received my diagnosis I was in shock. After all, I’d never been told I was at risk for developing diabetes and I had and went to regular check ups and blood work done. In the past is had high cholesterol, triglycerides, and slightly elevated blood pressure but that had been under control for several years with medication and slight diet adjustments. But A1C, blood glucose levels, an the such were never a problem, at least not one I’d been told about.

For the first week I was angry at my former family doctor (we’ll get into that later) and in denial; I had a new set if blood work done, fasting, and was sure it had to be a mistake.

The new labs confirmed the doctor’s opinion and blew away my false hopes: my blood glucose (BG) was a tad under 400 and my triglycerides were higher than they’d ever been, almost 600.

The next week I spent mourning, I suppose that would be as good a term as I could come up with. I was saddened to think of the risks and complications that diabetes brings with it. It also pained me to try to research the disease; it is overwhelming at first to try to take in, or even figure out, what you need to know to start.

After that I got a new attitude about the whole thing, after my follow up with my new doc. I prayed (and complained) a lot to The Lord and He showed me that this disease and I will have a master-slave relationship, and I get to choose which role I’ll play, not the disease. So I have decided that I will be the master and take control over the situation, my diet, and the, all be it limited, exercise my already wrecked body can and will do.

I know it’ll be a long – lifelong – process but in determined to take the steps to take control of this disease and make the very best of it, even if that means taking lots of unsteady baby steps to get going.